Feelings change – memories don't.

Posts tagged “long distance relationship


They say that every gambler has their hands down on the deck, prepared to give up anything and win everything.  A gambler is a lot like a woman in love, willing to bring all cards on the table to turn the stroke of luck on their side. Yet when it comes to matters of the heart, everything we have is nothing else but a bargaining chip that is used to bet against destiny and time. How far can we gamble what we have for a certain relationship in which we do not know what comes tomorrow? And are we ready to give up everything to turn the tables of destiny?


Most risk takers believe that chances only favors for those who are mentally prepared. However when we turn to the aspect of gambling our personal identities for a relationship, it has gone off the borderline of what is logical and irrational, making all our decisions and choices to be fragile or even worse, futile.  The shroud that clouds our rational thinking on everything has been one of our key weaknesses against time and destiny on the other side of the table. With our logical senses being dismembered, we turn to our feelings and intuitions to continue all along our gamble for our relationship.
Piece by piece, time collects its bounty from what we placed as a bet on the table. Our relationship has been permitted by time to continue, yet here we are struggling with bargaining chips barely left to spare to play along the game.  Nonetheless, we women are fine with it as long as we have been able to keep up and made what we think is better for our relationships. Yet when we see that we lose everything that we have for our relationship, we wake up and ask ourselves if how long we should keep this up.
We learn to compromise on things that we know can be sacrificed, yet we should always remember to invest to ourselves prior to give up anything. In the first place, we cannot give what we do not have and therefore, we should always put ourselves first before anything else. Time and destiny can be our greatest enemies at the table, but if we are prepping up with the necessities, we can surely beat them with a game called “The Gamble for Love”.














There are things in life that we are not certain if we should let it go, leave it behind and move on..We are perfectly sure that’s the best thing to do..Easy to say yet too hard to do because no matter how best your surgeons are, the wound will still dehisence or worst,eviscerate..No matter how you break the chain of infection,still the agent are so strong and developed immunity to anti-biotic or any general nursing care you made..The pain will stay..That’s the reason it’s too hard to move on and get a life..It’s very destructing when you know the causative agent is still there,roaming around the world, having a life on it’s own and dominating..Infecting others..So sad,our immune system are slow to kill the pain..Good for them,their’s are strong.

MISSING late night talk with a person who was once a stranger then a friend 



I love that soft golden glow when the first sunrays hit the queen city of south—Cebu in the morning. People struggling their way through the dust and smoke, losing themselves in the city. People says as the city keeps growing there is no space left for love among the people, they just love their jobs, their offices, their university and their money.

Real love only find place in the pages of ancient books, or in a two hours glimpse on the big screen. Sometimes it happened in a coffee shop…. But no, love was definitely a labor lost.
That one morning I saw…it leaped out of a fairy, and it come to me. I don’t know their names all I knew for sure something they were both intensely in love. Every day at the same time they would come to that jeepny stop waiting area. Even in the crowd, they shone through— a blindingly white picture of pure love. Just like in a cheesy advertisement —I call them Mr. and Mrs. M. As the jeepny arrived Mrs. M touch Mr. M bag across his shoulders, and holding hands they’ll struggle aboard the jeepny. As the jeepny start its engine, Mr. M hold Mrs. M hand while she pull out a purple magic ball from her bag, and she start asking question to him and shake that magic ball for confirmation answer if it’s a ‘’YES, NO, or MAYBE’’. That laughter and smiles they have in their faces like they don’t care the other passengers. Blissful picture of a couple that own the world.
Days, weeks, months goes by that smile and laugh spread within the minutes they spend sitting in the jeepny while doing some thumb fight in between. Sometimes in a while its Mr. M who will ask her and shake that purple magic ball with happiness.
But…..It all change, there was no Mr. M, no Mrs. M— and no warm glooming smile.
Then one day ‘’I’’ caught a glimpse of Mrs. M alone in that jeepny stop. I manage to get in to the approaching jeepny with her, and had the chance to sit beside her. Wondering why she’s alone, suddenly I asked her without any second thought ‘’Where is that guy that used to be with you every morning?’’. Minutes of silence, and I feel annoyed or embarrass that she ignore me, but the silence broke with a low voice of her ‘’He’s gone, not with me anymore’’.

As it always the jeepny stopped at the terminal. So many people clambering to get on and off the jeepny. Some wanted to go to the next stop and some just to get off sooner. Just like those people we met in life, some will walk with us a li’l longer, few will stay with us until the end and others will stop after a few steps.

What exactly happened was she’s so stubborn, she choose to find herself, to love herself a little bit more and see the world without being dependent and pampered by him. She needs time, but she didn’t realize that she’s asking too much, that it caused pain to him in some ways. He left for good.

Since the day he left, Mrs. M knew and feel the presence of that ‘’love’’ of old books outside the pages of a long forgotten stories. It was there, in all their efforts to spend just that few minutes together every day in a simple way that always great thing to remember and keep by heart.

It just feel good to REMINISCE

It’s nice to rekindle some past experiences especially if those are interesting and fun. So here I am today sharing what I feel inside through words that I can’t bravely admit to my friends.

Well let’s all have a tour to some of those moments in my life started when I was 18 years old.

Spending a life in a strange metro by myself since I started my college make me feel proud practicing the sense of being independent at the age of 17—yes I was 17 when I arrived in the city and start the journey of my study that will led me to a career after some years.

But after few months I turned 18, legal age and can start taking the benefits out of minority. But never came across in my mind that it will be the start of ‘nostalgic’ moments that until now I have to bring with me.

I had the ‘one’, the first in everything. Things happened too fast in the relationship that we can say those days it was really in the deep part. Things feel alright and we planned to take the next step after being 2 years together. Were totally open in both sides(family).

I realized that when were not in love we live in our own rules but the moment we fall in love and let him into your heart then you’ll start to live life considering his rules. You’ve to give up something and controlled your life for him. Love really changes people too much until sometimes there’s nothing left to the person you used to be. He will try to change you when he should just accept you for who you are. I changed a lot from a couch potato college girl to a woman who cares the house chores and some other things that I used to neglect before. I did it not 100% by my own will, it’s because of him who taught me things not just emotionally but life in general.

I used to just dropped my dirty clothes to laundry shop, I love eating outside, I hate cleaning my room every now and then and I am happy just reading books and watching movies alone until I knew him—he made me realized that things is always better when you shared it with someone special and do things together. That’s the thing happened way back then.

PRESENT: I been just at home lately for almost 2 months, I quit my job for some reasons and weird thing happened is I found myself doing the things and going to places we used to go. It’s been almost a year since that story ended, years having him are one of the best chapters I have in life. It seems life we can actually go back to the past yet we can’t have the complete details of it. Lately I am bravely facing reality that things is ‘mine, me and I’, no ‘us, we, and together’.



Yes, I did this things recently alone– No him. 

I learnt that whatever happened in my past made me stronger and wiser. Bad experiences are equally important to the good ones. If the past is painful it doesn’t mean that it will hold my future (as if it will also be painful).





At my younger age I did not see that having siblings is awesome. Those days I live a life being the only one that is given the full attention.

Whenever I thought weekend, I hate it because of the reason that its family day—siblings day for me. I find them as my rival and great competitor in everything in my so called kingdom. I have with in me that I am the princess, and in my castle I don’t welcome those people who are potentially a threat to me.

But time never failed to make me realize that I have the precious gift since the day they make me their ‘DIDI and ATE’. They’re my life gem. Now that we all grown-ups and have our own choices of life to take, it make me look back of those young days we spent together and start missing those wonderful days.


A life with bhai– though we don’t share a bed time story book and play much when we were kids but the closeness we have inside is not limited like the time we spent together in childhood.  There were times that I felt like I am not dad princess because he exist but he always make me see the bright side on it. You save me to dad’s keen-eye every time I am in trouble. You never failed to defend me until now. When were in our teen life, we less talk with each other but we keep secrets together. Whenever you’re into an emotional confusion to someone, you always seek my opinion. The moment I start dating, you are the first one who knew and met that guy.


A journey having one little sister is challenging but fun. I hate it the most when you share my room and played with my toys—but what to do, you are my younger sister and the ‘baby’ in the family those days. You even make me jealous when everyone in the house find you cute and adorable because it was me who deserve the compliments until the day you arrive in our lives. That little kid presence that given everyone a smile after a long day from work that make me felt I am not needed in the family—but those were the days. Going to college and spent days with our own friends make us realize that were best friends inside, that no one else can take care and love us the way we have for each other. That late night girls talk in our room and the giddy-goody stuffs discussion.

Today’s life is very busy but I remember the old days of childish fight, when we used to have silly arguments. We have lost some of the time but the golden memory will always be with us. The time comes that we’ll start to have our own so called family but it won’t and can’t change the fact that we our siblings and we are family. We do care, love and pissed off each other yet we can’t afford to lose one another. Were always partner in crime.

We may have different way of seeing life and career but it doesn’t stop the chance making me a PROUD DIDI to bro and a PROUD ATE to sissy in every single day of my journey. 

what if’s in my mind


There are things that only time can teach you

Like how much you love a person. Often, you realize how much you’ve loved only when you’ve lost that person. And when you lost that person, you lose a part of yourself too.

You keep hoping that the time comes….you can earn back what you’ve lost and if things won’t go back to how they were—you just keep hoping that time will change everything.

But how come time doesn’t change heart? Even when everything has ended you keep coming back from the beginning and you keep asking yourself ‘’What if I love him more? What if I didn’t fall in love? What if I never met him so I can erase him in my memory? What if when we met were different person, in a different situation, different place, a different time is destiny going to change as well? Am I the one holding his hand? Does his heart shout my name? Am I the one beside him? The one he’s hugging? Am I the reason for his smile? Or am I the reason why he choose to love someone else?




We are dealing with the so called journey of life. Every single day that God given to us, we are bless to start the day with the routine waking up in the morning and look forward how to spend the day, some occupied 8-10 hours working, other filled their day at school learning academic things, and certain people passed just at home, but whatever make our day it doesn’t matter as we all look forward to call it a day to just go home and relax.

As a part of the whole journey we encountered people with different outlook in life. We may meet strangers that we never expect to play particular roles in our lives. Those may be who we start connection with. It might be a good or bad relationship but it doesn’t fail to leave a lesson to absorb.

Most likely we tend to build a relationship with the basis that we like what we see in that person, we entrust, respect and feel comfortable. But we can’t deny the fact that maintaining a relationship is hard thing to do, it’s very impossible to handle something perfectly like on how it started until the passage of time.

Life changes relationship and so doe’s time. Because of that different priority, being busy and less time availability driven changes in our relationship. Life is always a result of the choices we make, a single decision may result a significant changes.

Change is a shadow of time in a relationship. As time goes by formality in some relationship is vanish, we go beyond the limit and borders of the relationship because of our confidence. We sometimes neglect the importance of relationship, and we forget to appreciate it.