Feelings change – memories don't.

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LOVE with TIME

I love that soft golden glow when the first sunrays hit the queen city of south—Cebu in the morning. People struggling their way through the dust and smoke, losing themselves in the city. People says as the city keeps growing there is no space left for love among the people, they just love their jobs, their offices, their university and their money.

Real love only find place in the pages of ancient books, or in a two hours glimpse on the big screen. Sometimes it happened in a coffee shop…. But no, love was definitely a labor lost.
That one morning I saw…it leaped out of a fairy, and it come to me. I don’t know their names all I knew for sure something they were both intensely in love. Every day at the same time they would come to that jeepny stop waiting area. Even in the crowd, they shone through— a blindingly white picture of pure love. Just like in a cheesy advertisement —I call them Mr. and Mrs. M. As the jeepny arrived Mrs. M touch Mr. M bag across his shoulders, and holding hands they’ll struggle aboard the jeepny. As the jeepny start its engine, Mr. M hold Mrs. M hand while she pull out a purple magic ball from her bag, and she start asking question to him and shake that magic ball for confirmation answer if it’s a ‘’YES, NO, or MAYBE’’. That laughter and smiles they have in their faces like they don’t care the other passengers. Blissful picture of a couple that own the world.
Days, weeks, months goes by that smile and laugh spread within the minutes they spend sitting in the jeepny while doing some thumb fight in between. Sometimes in a while its Mr. M who will ask her and shake that purple magic ball with happiness.
But…..It all change, there was no Mr. M, no Mrs. M— and no warm glooming smile.
Then one day ‘’I’’ caught a glimpse of Mrs. M alone in that jeepny stop. I manage to get in to the approaching jeepny with her, and had the chance to sit beside her. Wondering why she’s alone, suddenly I asked her without any second thought ‘’Where is that guy that used to be with you every morning?’’. Minutes of silence, and I feel annoyed or embarrass that she ignore me, but the silence broke with a low voice of her ‘’He’s gone, not with me anymore’’.

As it always the jeepny stopped at the terminal. So many people clambering to get on and off the jeepny. Some wanted to go to the next stop and some just to get off sooner. Just like those people we met in life, some will walk with us a li’l longer, few will stay with us until the end and others will stop after a few steps.

What exactly happened was she’s so stubborn, she choose to find herself, to love herself a little bit more and see the world without being dependent and pampered by him. She needs time, but she didn’t realize that she’s asking too much, that it caused pain to him in some ways. He left for good.

Since the day he left, Mrs. M knew and feel the presence of that ‘’love’’ of old books outside the pages of a long forgotten stories. It was there, in all their efforts to spend just that few minutes together every day in a simple way that always great thing to remember and keep by heart.

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MAN of my LIFE (forever)

It’s a holiday. Nothing to do and it’s a lazy day at home for me. I’m feeling bored doing nothing and alone in these 4 corners in my room. Suddenly I thought of updating my mobile apps as well as cleaning my laptop, deleting some nonsense and useless files that are just memory consumption that cause my device to work slow and pissed me off.

So here I am scanning, browsing and found some old hidden files. Whammo! The oldest files are about 4 years old if my memory is good enough to retain things. Photograph of yesterday. I want to save it but a part of me is telling ‘’What for’’. So without a second thought I press CTRL DEL and YES.

And then I came across to other folders, an important documents popped. And in my surprise I saw his picture with me when I was just about 2 years old, a man with mustache, a good shape nose and with big brown eyes. He is holding my hands while he is standing in my back and the picture look like he is walking behind me to watch my steps as I am learning to walk at that age. That man is my father.

I am his everything, a gem that he never want to lose and the product of his story once upon a time in his young age. Some may think or see me as my father mistake but he never accepted nor thinks that way. He never failed to let me feel that I am one of the bravest choices he made in life.

That moment when he knows he’s going to have his first born (me) I know t’was a formidable time for him as I came on the stage of his life when he just started his career but despite of that he always tell me that I am the best thing that happened to him despite of the path he choose.

Since the day the he first held my little finger, looking straight in my eyes and that day I first smiled at him—it was the day he keep telling himself that I belong to him, that I am his precious treasure. That it was his blood that runs in my veins. On that day onward I made him a father, making him a responsible man to me.

He is there to help me throughout my balance in life; he always wants to catch me before I fall, picks me up, brushes me off and let me try again. He don’t miss to scold me many time if I break the rules but he is also the one who proudly shines even with the smallest achievement I’ve got. He wants to keep me making mistake but instead he let me find my own way even though his heart breaks in silence when I am hurt.

Thanks to him for shaping my life and teach me as much as he can, for taking the time, for showing me the way, for being there when I need him, for every single day, for showing me what is good from bad and for helping me building my dream come true.He is no ordinary man; he make me everything I am. I am pretty bliss being blessed being his daughter.

I love him not because of what he has but it because of what my father made me.

Dada you always tell me that story when I was in my teen-stage that one day that prince will find me and take me away from your kingdom. But I like to tell you now that no matter what happen, may that prince will bring me to his castle and we’ll have our own kingdom, it will never and won’t change the fact that you’re my hero, my bravest man, my soldier, my first love and my man forever.

 

 

 

I WOULDN’t Mind

Merrily we fall out of line I’d fall anywhere with him
I’m by his side                                                                                                                     Carefully we’ll place our destiny
he came and he took this heart, and set it free
Every word he write or sing is so warm to me, so warm to me
I’m torn to be right where he is                                    

Forever is a long time
But I wouldn’t mind spending it by his side
Tell me every day I get to wake up to that smile

I’m not afraid anymore

It just feel good to REMINISCE

It’s nice to rekindle some past experiences especially if those are interesting and fun. So here I am today sharing what I feel inside through words that I can’t bravely admit to my friends.

Well let’s all have a tour to some of those moments in my life started when I was 18 years old.

Spending a life in a strange metro by myself since I started my college make me feel proud practicing the sense of being independent at the age of 17—yes I was 17 when I arrived in the city and start the journey of my study that will led me to a career after some years.

But after few months I turned 18, legal age and can start taking the benefits out of minority. But never came across in my mind that it will be the start of ‘nostalgic’ moments that until now I have to bring with me.

I had the ‘one’, the first in everything. Things happened too fast in the relationship that we can say those days it was really in the deep part. Things feel alright and we planned to take the next step after being 2 years together. Were totally open in both sides(family).

I realized that when were not in love we live in our own rules but the moment we fall in love and let him into your heart then you’ll start to live life considering his rules. You’ve to give up something and controlled your life for him. Love really changes people too much until sometimes there’s nothing left to the person you used to be. He will try to change you when he should just accept you for who you are. I changed a lot from a couch potato college girl to a woman who cares the house chores and some other things that I used to neglect before. I did it not 100% by my own will, it’s because of him who taught me things not just emotionally but life in general.

I used to just dropped my dirty clothes to laundry shop, I love eating outside, I hate cleaning my room every now and then and I am happy just reading books and watching movies alone until I knew him—he made me realized that things is always better when you shared it with someone special and do things together. That’s the thing happened way back then.

PRESENT: I been just at home lately for almost 2 months, I quit my job for some reasons and weird thing happened is I found myself doing the things and going to places we used to go. It’s been almost a year since that story ended, years having him are one of the best chapters I have in life. It seems life we can actually go back to the past yet we can’t have the complete details of it. Lately I am bravely facing reality that things is ‘mine, me and I’, no ‘us, we, and together’.

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Yes, I did this things recently alone– No him. 

I learnt that whatever happened in my past made me stronger and wiser. Bad experiences are equally important to the good ones. If the past is painful it doesn’t mean that it will hold my future (as if it will also be painful).

 

Life REAL-GEM

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At my younger age I did not see that having siblings is awesome. Those days I live a life being the only one that is given the full attention.

Whenever I thought weekend, I hate it because of the reason that its family day—siblings day for me. I find them as my rival and great competitor in everything in my so called kingdom. I have with in me that I am the princess, and in my castle I don’t welcome those people who are potentially a threat to me.

But time never failed to make me realize that I have the precious gift since the day they make me their ‘DIDI and ATE’. They’re my life gem. Now that we all grown-ups and have our own choices of life to take, it make me look back of those young days we spent together and start missing those wonderful days.

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A life with bhai– though we don’t share a bed time story book and play much when we were kids but the closeness we have inside is not limited like the time we spent together in childhood.  There were times that I felt like I am not dad princess because he exist but he always make me see the bright side on it. You save me to dad’s keen-eye every time I am in trouble. You never failed to defend me until now. When were in our teen life, we less talk with each other but we keep secrets together. Whenever you’re into an emotional confusion to someone, you always seek my opinion. The moment I start dating, you are the first one who knew and met that guy.

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A journey having one little sister is challenging but fun. I hate it the most when you share my room and played with my toys—but what to do, you are my younger sister and the ‘baby’ in the family those days. You even make me jealous when everyone in the house find you cute and adorable because it was me who deserve the compliments until the day you arrive in our lives. That little kid presence that given everyone a smile after a long day from work that make me felt I am not needed in the family—but those were the days. Going to college and spent days with our own friends make us realize that were best friends inside, that no one else can take care and love us the way we have for each other. That late night girls talk in our room and the giddy-goody stuffs discussion.

Today’s life is very busy but I remember the old days of childish fight, when we used to have silly arguments. We have lost some of the time but the golden memory will always be with us. The time comes that we’ll start to have our own so called family but it won’t and can’t change the fact that we our siblings and we are family. We do care, love and pissed off each other yet we can’t afford to lose one another. Were always partner in crime.

We may have different way of seeing life and career but it doesn’t stop the chance making me a PROUD DIDI to bro and a PROUD ATE to sissy in every single day of my journey. 

STRANGER

 

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It’s something unusual for a person like me. Yes, it is! It happened too fast that I even forget to take a breath.

It was a day spent just at home doing the usual routine, browsing the internet, watching some documentary shows in tv, preparing my food in between and exchanging sms with friends.

I have my mobile as if it’s life support for me, been using it for quite sometimes and believe it or not I use it for exchanging sms and talking to friends and family, other than that I only installed one game and two commu-apps (viber&whatsapp). I wasn’t born yesterday, it just that I don’t like putting things in my mobile that I don’t usually use or necessary until that day— I installed a kind of apps where stranger come to know each other in a matter of seconds.

 

I was updating something in my mobile and that certain apps pop-up in screen, it doesn’t ring a bell with me but it ignited my curiosity and it reached to peak point that I have to just download and installed it. The next thing is I exchanged messages to unknown people and killed my time with them. Few minutes talking with them I felt bored but when I’m about to sign out, here is this one person that caught my attention by name— not the name that I usually hear in my life, it’s something unique that made me to distract that person attention by a msg. He is a stranger, not just a plain stranger but also a snob one. I came to his profile and its very limited, even he have pictures but not also that clear—so I was thinking what’s with this stranger that I have to send to messages and it took a while for a reply.

 

So, here’s what happened—that moment he replied with me, I took the chance to start talking with him and bring up some questions to have conversation, and I succeed.  That first conversation took for more than an hour. In the long run it feels like a routine to talk with him until we exchanged numbers and go back in an old fashioned way—the txting. But sms doesn’t satisfy me so I had to add him in my other commu-apps. Every time we have the chance to talk, we grabbed it (I grabbed it without any second thought). We do exchange pictures, sleepy, tipsy and lazy pics even.

 

And here’s the catch, she feel giddy, good, happy and laugh a lot with every conversation.

She even had a late night coffee to hold her sleepy head just to talk with him. lol

She even did the research what his catchy name means—and she found out this in the list

 

  • His first name of ….  make him extremely generous.
     
  • He has a bubbling, spontaneous nature and a happy-go-lucky outlook which helps smooth the pathway of life.
     
  • Also he is sympathetic to the needs of others.
     
  • Interested in art, music, singing, dancing, and anything of an artistic nature, he could become a very fine performer.
     
  • He is spontaneous expression stands him in good stead during arguments or debates, though he is perhaps too outspoken and inclined to sarcasm.
     
  • A very real weakness of this name is lack of system and order.
     
  • The use of this name makes it extremely difficult to carry through and finish the things he starts.
     
  • It is easy to make promises in an effort to make others happy, although not so easy to keep them.
     
  • He spends his money recklessly, seldom reckoning whether he can afford to be so generous.

And he’s real name means he is POLITE and HUMBLE. 

what if’s in my mind

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There are things that only time can teach you

Like how much you love a person. Often, you realize how much you’ve loved only when you’ve lost that person. And when you lost that person, you lose a part of yourself too.

You keep hoping that the time comes….you can earn back what you’ve lost and if things won’t go back to how they were—you just keep hoping that time will change everything.

But how come time doesn’t change heart? Even when everything has ended you keep coming back from the beginning and you keep asking yourself ‘’What if I love him more? What if I didn’t fall in love? What if I never met him so I can erase him in my memory? What if when we met were different person, in a different situation, different place, a different time is destiny going to change as well? Am I the one holding his hand? Does his heart shout my name? Am I the one beside him? The one he’s hugging? Am I the reason for his smile? Or am I the reason why he choose to love someone else?

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