AMOUNT OF HAPPINESS
Once in my life a tragic situation came in, it happened during my teenager era. That certain moment of my life taught me to embrace sadness and love it after my parent’s separated. That incident wounded me deeply and even leave a fresh scar that every now and then make me sad when I look back those days. I like sadness, even it comes to the point that I love being alone in everything and romanticizing the idea that it’s the only option left for me. Sadness validated my baggage; help me less care with people around me, my issues and drama. It made me feel safe and so I fell in love with it drunkenly bitter.
But since change is the only constant in this world, it strikes me. Things drastically change in college. I met bunch of people who show me what’s carefree life without sadness that wrap me, friends I gain that they’d do everything to yank the sadness out of my palms. These people showed me an alternative I had been missing out on for so long. We go out, celebrated small victories with circle of friends, and even few of them planted their own personal sunshine in my heart that make me often define as predictably happy. I realized that sadness is far too easy that I am much stronger.
Happiness was strange. It felt fragile and finite, like it could float from my grasp any time. Looking at life hindsight, happiness scared me. The fact that it could disappear so quickly made me miss the comfortable pain of sadness. At the same time happiness was so wonderful. It made my heart ridiculous and silly, and it took a little time for me to realize that this was the emotion I been seeking out in my whole existence.
When I graduated from college, diplomas in hand, degree as a pride, I secretly pondered if my happiness would travel miles away from me the way my friends inevitably would. But to my great surprise, it didn’t. Happiness remained until today.
What I didn’t learned that graduation day, as Mr. Sun bow his head to us newly graduates and the tears that flew down our faces signal the end of an era, was that the friends I found in college days had never given me happiness. They introduced it to me. They taught me how to find it when it seemed to be more elusive, and they showed me how to live it each day of my journey.
And the lessons always come in memories.