Feelings change – memories don't.

Archive for November, 2012

Aside

CHERRY-PICK

As much as possible we want to live the life we planned, but because of some unpredictable circumstances we go to take the other path. Every one of us has this notion of ‘ideal partner’ to be with, so do I. But as time goes by that will change the ideal one to preferred one.

I wished for the first man to be the last one. A relationship like those I read in the books that always have a happy ending. As I am sailing in the so called journey in life I witness many scenes and meet different faces. My wishes change, dreams evolve and I changed as well.

When I was a kid I loved to see myself that one day I am in a meeting with my client who asked me for a building costing, presenting my building plans and discussing engineering works. But the time comes that I am in college, I am with the thick books and sitting in the classrooms listening to the discussion of theory dealing human life, diseases and its cure.

My prince charming who wears glasses, who is serious in every way, a hardworking yet always finds time for me. A dinner date that he planned for a couple days before, a man who loves planning in every detail even how small it is. But I am spending my days now with that someone who don’t wear glasses, who wear shorts instead of pants, a t-shirts instead of 3/4 sleeves. Man who makes me laughs with his silly stories, the one who loves surprises and appear being spontaneous.

I live a life which is far from what I dream of. I say YES to the man who is far from my ideal. It’s because things happened  by choices and I preferred to be in this route.

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PAST — PRESENT

PAST --- PRESENT

Not all the best thing in life last long, so seized the moment while you can. We have to leave some of the best moments captured in life in our so called land of the past. We don’t even want it to be left, but we have to for some unknown reasons, may that reason is vague but we have to understand that the things from the past help us build and mold of what we have now and who we are in the present.

There are things in my past that I often wanted to visit but there’s no use crying over spilled milk so I prefer to live in my present. The 11th hour book session for the next day exam, the sweating moments during clinical days way back in college, and of course the thing called success after all the hardship when I finished my degree. The first love, the first kiss and the first heart break.
Why first love? It’s because that was the time when my young and vulnerable heart started to believe that fairy tale love stories do exist and I’m going to experience it. My vulnerable heart and damsel mind learned to trust without any fears and doubts.
Why first kiss? Simply because that was the day when I felt like a princess who fall asleep long time ago and woke up by his prince charming kiss. It was the moment that my innocent heart stopped to beat for a few seconds.
Why first heartbreak? Of course who could forget the unbearable pain, the long crying nights that I endured and thought I couldn’t bear. They were days where I blame myself for the failure of my relationship, I ask myself if it was my fault and what went wrong
Maybe you are wondering now why I elaborate those best scenes captured in my life. Well, for the reason that I believe that if it’s not because of the things happened in my past I am not who I am now.
The degree I’ve got from college which led to a career I am enjoying nowadays. That first love that make me realized that a fairy tale story doesn’t exist anymore, instead it’s about maturity and being responsible when you’re in a relationship. That first kiss which taught me it’s not about the moment that makes you giggles but it’s more on the sincerity and putting your heart when you’re doing it. And lastly, the first heart break, the first cut that hurt the most made me stronger and allows me to face the reality that not all relationship has a happy ending.
If there’s one word I have to believe today, it is destiny. I was destined to experience and conquered the painful past for me to be better in the future. It prepares me to be in a relationship that is founded with love and reality and not with make believe fairytales and false love. No heartache and painful experience can havoc a relationship if two individuals were emotionally and mentally prepared. All that happened in the past were only a setback for a real happy ending. My heart is healed and I picked up every piece of me that was broken and I am ready to make my own real life fairy tale.


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LOVE .. LOVE!

LOVE .. LOVE!

Falling in love is like owning a dog. Love doesn’t like to be left alone for very long, but come home then love is always happy to see you. It may break a few things accidentally in his passion in life but you could never be mad in love for long. Love leaves you a little surprise here and there.
Is love good all the time? No, no way! Love can be bad, bad love, very bad love. Love make messes but it gives you big kisses when you laugh at little things.

Sometimes love just want to go for a nice long walk because love likes exercise. And when you run in the block and leave you apparently it pushes you in several different directions all it wants, round, round and round until you end up until you can’t move.
Love make you meet people wherever you go, people who have nothing in common but love stop then talk with each other. But most important LOVE NEEDS LOVE and LOVES HAVE IT. And in return LOVE loves you and never stop.


HE IS NOT ME; I AM NOT HIM—but ‘US’

AN OLD CLICHÉ SAYS ‘’OPPOSITE POLES ATTRACT TOGETHER’’. IF YOU ARE NOT CONVINCED YET THEN START TO AT LEAST BELIEVE THAT IT’S POSSIBLE. JUST DON’T STAY IN ONE CORNER WITHOUT DOING SOMETHING FOR THAT THING TO HAPPEN. DO YOUR PART, INITIATES FOR YOUR FATE, YOU’LL NOT KNOW WHATS FOR YOU UNLESS YOU’LL GIVE IT A TRY. DON’T GET STUCK IN CORNER THINKING THAT THINGS IS IMPOSSIBLE ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO RELATIONSHIP, WHICH DIFFERENCES IS A HINDRANCE.

IT’S REWARDING BEING WITH SOMEONE WHO IS TOTALLY OPPOSITE WITH YOU, BUT CHOOSES TO CLING AND COMMITTED TO WHAT YOU HAVE. TODAYS GENERATION THAT WERE GLOBALLY CONSCIOUS AND WE HAVE ACCESS OF COMMUNICATION, ONLINE DATING SERVE AS A GROUND WHERE PEOPLE FROM DIFFERENT PLACES INTERACT. GETTING INVOLVED IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN WHO IS NOT YOUR KIND IS ACCEPTABLE IN SOME SOCIETY—IT’S NOT TABOO. DESPITE OF ALL THE DIFFERENCES, A CHERUBIC FAIRY FIND A PERFECT ANGLE TO HIT TWO STRANGE HEART BY AN ARROW. AND HE MADE IT.

LOVING HAS NO BOUNDARIES. YOU MAY FALL TO THE ONE RAISED BY PARENTS TO PRAY 5X A DAY AND VISIT THE HOLY PLACE EVERY FRIDAY, WHICH IS FAR DIFFERENT FROM YOUR GOING TO CHURCH IN SUNDAY FOR MASS. THE ONE WHO GREW UP IN A SOCIETY WHERE A MAN AND WOMAN IS NOT OPENLY GET ACQUAINTED TO EACH OTHER,  WHILE IN THE OTHER HAND YOU SPEND MOST OF YOUR LIFE IN A STATE WHERE EVERYBODY REGARDLESS BY GENDER ARE FREE TO MINGLE WITH EACH OTHER. ANY PORK DISHES IS YOUR FAVORITE BUT ON HIS DIET ITS PROHIBITED. SPICY FOOD IS WHAT HE LOVES WHILE YOUR TASTE BUD IS INTO SWEET STUFFS.BARE BACK DRESS OR YOUR TATTER MINI SKIRT/SHORT IN PUBLIC BUT IN THAT SOMEONE COMFORT-ZONE THAT CHOICE OF FASHION IS SHAMEFUL FOR THEIR WOMEN. YOU CAN CHOOSE FROM A VARIETY OF HAIRSTYLE IN ANY OCCASION WHILE IN HIS SIDE WOMEN WEARS HIJAB ANY TIME NEVERTHELESS WHO THEY ARE IN THE SOCIETY AND THE EVENTS THEY’RE INTO. STRANGE MOTHER TONGUE YOU GUYS HAVE BUT STILL YOU MANAGE TO EXPRESS THE LOVE FOR EACH OTHER.

IN ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP BOTH PARTIES JUST NEED TO BE DETERMINE TO OVERCOME THE DIFFERENCES AND ACCEPT IT.

FOR LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP, A WEAK HEART HAS NO SPACE IN LOVING.


GIVING mySELF A TRY

After having that special connection to that someone I  think I  can’t live without. Grounded myself  to that commitment I was into.  But there’s no point holding on a dysfunctional relationship that’s why I have to let go of the grip. Getting over a break up is hard. It is like letting go of my dream in life but it doesn’t mean that I have to stop driving myself  to the road of love. Falling in love and getting into relationship doesn’t guarantee that it will last longer. There are relationship ends simply because they don’t belong to each other and for some deep reasons they can’t hold to stay together.And mine is one of those.

(i told myself) Remember falling in love is a bit risky and relationship is a hard work. But I don’t have to be scared taking the risk and stand that I can make it to be in a relationship after learning from the previous.

I give a space to heal my wounded heart but as time goes by I realized that I have to take advantage of that with learning and making myself to a better person instead of being bitter despite of what happened. I don’t have to make wall for myself by protecting, by building that wall it limits the good persons to come in. I stopped wandering what went wrong in the previous relationship; always I work to think that things happened for reasons. It’s not a real mistake unless I don’t learn from what happened. I involved myself getting acquainted with others and look them the way they are, I quit comparing them to whom I have relationship in the past. I know every person I  meet is different and I gonna love them differently, for better and for worst is just how things happened. When I meet someone new, we could create something new together. Giving myself a chance to be amazingly in love and strongly face whatever the relationship take for me. I have to be less worry because  there’s two people involve in relationship, I am not alone. And it always takes two to tango for a relationship to work.

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To live is to risk. Take the risk and feel alive in love.